My 5th pregnancy was just as easy and uneventful as the other 4. The birth not so much. Everything about my last baby has been unexpected, starting with her entrance into the world.
I woke up at 6:30 to pre for the millionth time. When I got to the bathroom, I was losing my mucus plug. Ewww! 5 kids and that had never happened to me. I also had a small leak of amniotic fluid. My contractions were pretty much non existent, so I decided to wash my face, braid my hair, and get dressed. My older 3 kids woke up and I sent them off to get dressed.
My husband and 4th baby woke up at 7:30. Ant took one look at me and was suddenly very awake. “Why is your hair braided already?” Because my water is leaking and I’m in early labor. “Shit! Do we need to go to the hospital? What does this mean?” Chill out! It means I’ll have the baby in the neixt 24 hours. Can you play mom for me?
So, he got up and got the kids breakfast while I hung out on the upstairs couch. My contractions were getting stronger, but I still felt like it’d be a few more hours. Dimitrios needed to get to preschool, though we had already called in sick for Persephone. Even with my other labors being so fast, I didn’t think this baby would come before noon. Plenty of time to get D to school before going to a hospital, right? Of course!
Ant and the kids kissed me good bye. Hilariously, Ant’s last words to me were, “Don’t have the baby until I get back.” I rolled my eyes at him. They were leaving at just after 8 and I figured they’d be back around 9. Cool! Some me time before another baby is attached to me.
Yeah, not so much.
My contractions started coming faster. They still weren’t that hard, but 1 minute contractions every 2 or 3 minutes is a little intense. If nothing else, they were making my couch uncomfortable. No problem! I’ll just throw some chucks from the emergency birthing kit on the floor and lay there.
I was totally comfy…but I’d left the lights on. The bulbs were driving me crazy. No joke, I spent 45 minutes (though I didn’t know it was that long) thinking to myself, “Stupid lights. I swear, after this next contraction, I’m going to get up and turn those stupid things off.” It didn’t occur to me that contractions so strong I can’t get off the floor are probably not a good sign.
Finally, I had a contraction strong enough that it made me grunt. Apparently, that grunt was a push! I was laying on my side and that grunt caused my water to explode all over my legs.
As you’ve now seen in my last 2 births, breaking water means eminent delivery. I grabbed my phone to check the time. 9:03. Well, I better clean up this mess. I sat up to clean the fluids and had another contraction. Again, it was hard enough to make me grunt. Suddenly, there was a lot of pressure. I reached down and felt the baby’s head just inside me.
I grabbed some more chucks and threw them around me as quick as I could. I could feel another contraction coming. Sitting on my knees on my bedroom floor, I grunted into another contraction. Out came a head. I reached down to what should have been the back of the baby’s head…and stuck both my thumbs into eyes. I pulled my hands back up to my face and actually said out loud, “Oh, damn!”
Yeah…this baby was not only coming while I was at home alone, but was also coming out sunny side up. I had about 2 minutes to center myself before I felt another contraction building. I took a big breath and reached down. Out came a big ass baby directly into my waiting hands. I wrapped her in the closest thing I could grab…a chuck. Yeah. not the fanciest thing to wrap a new baby in but I was kinda in shock.
Wait…I should probably make sure the baby I’ve been calling “Mini Moose” is really a boy. I mean, I’ve always been right about my baby gender guesses, but I should confirm. Nope…that is not a boy! Holy crap! I have another girl!
Laying on the floor, I grabbed my phone so I’d know my new daughter’s time of birth. 9:08. Wow, that was much faster than I expected! Hmm…I wonder where my husband is. I should call him.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Hi! Where are you?
Ant: I’m at the gate. Are you okay?
Me: I’m great. You have another daughter.
Ant: …Wait, what?
Me: Theron is a girl. She was born a few minutes ago.
Ant: I…um…are you okay?
Me: Really, I’m great. I’m gonna need your help when you get home, though.
Ant: Uh…okay…I’m pulling in the driveway right now.
Me: Cool! See ya soon.
Yeah, I have no idea why I was so calm. I mean, I just gave birth alone on my floor. The baby is wrapped in a piddle pad in my arms and still attached to me.
The front door opened and my oldest, Persephone, came bounding up the stairs. I think Ant had tried to “warn” her that I’d given birth, but my inquisitive daughter just wanted to see. “Hi, mom!” Hi, honey. (Mind you, I’m still laying on the floor surrounded by the aftermath of birth) “Did you have Mini Moose?” Yes, honey. Can you go get daddy? “Sure, Mommy…Daddy! Mommy had Mini Moose and needs you!” Thanks, sweetie.
Poor Ant came in the room in total task mode. “What do you need me to do?” Well, I’m gonna need you to wash your hands and put on some gloves. And grab those scissors. “Okay, I’m on it.” Cool. I’m gonna deliver the placenta and I’ll need you to clamp and cut the cord and then take the baby while I clean up. “Um…okay.”
Seriously. That’s exactly how it went. It didn’t hit poor Ant until a few hours later. He cut the cord and took Theron to meet one brother and her sisters and I got up and cleaned up the mess I’d made pushing out a baby. Then, I got myself all situated on that upstairs couch to snuggle skin to skin with my new baby.
I think it took 30 minutes before Ant reminded me that I should call my mom and sister to tell them I had the baby. Those conversations were pretty funny and included things like, “Wait, where are you?” and “Have you called 911 yet?”